


26 ways to say i love you

by almostjulie



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alphabet drabbles, Drabble Sequence, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 00:35:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6930796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostjulie/pseuds/almostjulie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Finn still thinks about running away to the far reaches of the galaxy. It would be easier, even though it wouldn’t be right. He sits with Poe under the shadow of his x-wing and asks, “What do you want most in life?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	26 ways to say i love you

**Author's Note:**

> 26 interconnected 100 word drabbles, some more immediately connected than others. 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated!

**1\. awake**

BB-8 is there the first time Finn wakes up. He’s only awake long enough to see the droid spin in a tight, excited circle, and to hear a chirping whirr he can’t translate but understands to convey happiness, before he’s pulled back under to unconsciousness. 

The next time he wakes, Poe’s there: slumped in the corner, snoring softly, the jacket he gifted Finn draped over him like a blanket. There’s an angry tear that runs almost the length of it, burned on the edges, and Finn remembers _everything_.

He watches Poe sleep, and wonders how long Poe’s been watching him. 

**2\. break**

Finn’s always been strong, but rehab is tough. Sharp, searing pain greets even the simplest movements. It’s frustrating. 

“Come on, buddy,” Poe says. “Rey’s off learning to be a Jedi, I’m sure you can touch your toes.” Finn grits his teeth and tries again.

He curses Poe when he shows up at his physical therapy sessions because he pushes him until he feels like he’s going to break. But, he admits (reluctantly, and only to himself) that he gets much less out of them when Poe’s not there. 

Slowly Finn gets his strength back. Poe’s there to see it happen. 

**3\. completely**

He should be grateful to be alive, and he is, but he’s also incredibly, completely bored. Physical therapy and bed, back and forth every day, and that’s it. 

Poe visits often, sits with him and talks, sneaks him food that isn’t the standard-issue med bay mush, teaches him to play sabacc. He brings tantalizing reminders of the outside world with him -- mud on his boots, or the smell of sweat and work, or grease on his flight suit, or stories of pranks pulled in the barracks. 

Finn longs to get out of bed and be part of that world. 

**4\. doubt**

“Wait, you were a Stormtrooper?”

Snap looks up from his eggs to shoot Jessika an incredulous look. “Where have you been?” he asks around a mouthful. 

She ignores him. They’re in the mess; it’s Finn’s first real introduction to anyone after spending weeks in med bay. 

“Um, yeah?” Finn says, doubt seeping in, because everyone has been really cool to him but maybe his past isn’t common knowledge.

She laughs, though, a light, easy sound, and Finn relaxes. Jessika looks to Poe. “You really can make friends anywhere.”

Poe just shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “He needed a pilot.” 

**5\. everything**

Poe materializes out of nowhere that night with two bottles of beer. “Figured it was about time to celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?”

“The victory. Your recovery. The fact that we’re still standing. Everything.” 

Finn had missed a lot when he was in the coma. Celebration certainly, but memorials, too. For Han, and, he belatedly realizes, probably for pilots who were friends of Poe’s. 

It’s clear Poe doesn’t want to wallow in sorrow tonight, though. Finn eyes the beer warily. “You know, we weren’t allowed to drink.” 

Poe throws an arm around him and grins. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” 

**6\. first**

Finn’s head pounds in time with the knock at his door. Eventually, Poe pushes his way in. He sits on the edge of Finn’s cot and hands him a cup of caf. 

Poe rubs at the back of his neck. “I maybe should have stopped you after your third. But, hey, you’re getting your first hangover out of the way.” 

“Yeah, thanks for that.” Finn sits up and takes a sip. Their celebration had been just the two of them on a hilltop, shoulder to shoulder, sipping beer while Poe told him about his childhood. 

It was worth the hangover. 

**7\. gesture**

The thing about your best friend being the Resistance’s best pilot, Finn realizes, is that he’s not always around. The First Order had retreated to lick its wounds, but everyone knows they will be back and looking for revenge. 

The General sends Poe on a mission, and suddenly he and BB-8 are gone. Finn’s not sure what to do with himself. 

But when he sits down in the mess that night, Poe’s friends gesture him over to their table. “We’re under strict orders from our commanding officer to make sure you’re not alone.” Poe’s still there, after all, through them. 

**8\. hesitant**

There is an instant press of people around Poe when he lands. They’re slapping his back and congratulating him. He has apparently done something incredibly heroic, but Finn’s not clear on the specifics. 

Finn watches from a distance, hesitant to push his way in among them, even though he wants nothing more than to embrace his friend. It’s stupid, really, he thinks, how much he missed the other man. 

But then Poe’s eyes meet his over the crowd, and it takes Finn’s breath away. He swears he can see the same longing reflected there. It’s too much, and Finn retreats. 

**9\. invitation**

“Hey.” 

Poe catches up with him in a corridor in barracks. It’s a maze down here, and Finn still gets lost sometimes. “Welcome back,” he says.

Poe says nothing in return, just keeps coming closer and closer until, suddenly, his lips are on Finn’s and his thumb is stroking Finn’s cheek. Finn’s lips part in invitation and Poe hums approval and deepens the kiss. He clings to Poe’s arms, weeks of pent up undefined want leading all to this. 

Eventually, reluctantly, Poe pulls back. “Should have done that before I left.”

Finn can’t help but agree, and kisses him again. 

**10\. jaw**

He finds Poe in the hangar, which should have been the first place he looked. It’s hot, and Poe’s sleeves are pushed up. Finn watches the play of the muscles of his forearms until BB-8 gives him away. 

“You just gonna stand there and stare, or are you going to give me a hand?” Poe looks at Finn expectantly, torque wrench in hand. 

There’s a bead of sweat rolling down Poe’s jaw, and Finn wants to lick it. “No, I’m good,” he tries to say with a straight face but breaks out in a grin.

Poe laughs. “Get over here.”

**11\. keep**

“I have a surprise for you.” He hands Poe the package, watches as the other man unwraps it. It’s the jacket, the one Poe lost on Jakku and gave to Finn, which Kylo Ren nearly destroyed, and Finn along with it, newly mended. 

Poe shakes his head and tosses it back to Finn. “I told you, you keep it.” 

Finn pulls it back on while Poe watches in approval. 

“You look hot in it,” Poe says, even while he’s pushing it back off Finn’s shoulders. He tugs at the hem of Finn’s shirt. “Though you look hot without it, too.” 

**12\. languid**

Poe’s hands gently cup Finn’s face, and he’s pressing languid kisses into Finn’s mouth. Finn’s trying to pull him closer, fingernails digging into Poe’s hips, but Poe’s keeping his distance: hesitant, respectful. 

Finn pulls away. Poe waits. “I’m not gonna break,” Finn says, and means it. 

“Glad to hear it,” Poe says, and walks Finn backwards, pushing him against the wall, and presses the length of his body against Finn’s. The friction is perfect, and Finn sighs with relief into Poe’s mouth. Poe’s hunger is palpable, and Finn realizes the other man’s been waiting as long as him for this. 

**13\. map**

There’s no map, no guide, to Poe. He’s open and friendly and instantly likable -- Finn can tell he’s not the only around the base who feels it -- but Finn wants, desperately, to find out what makes Poe tick. There’s always more than meets the eye; Finn knows that scars don’t always show. 

Poe finds him, deep in thought, and something must show on his face, because Poe just says, “you think too much,” as he sits beside him and bumps his shoulder. 

Maybe he does. And maybe that’s good and maybe it’s bad, but he can’t stop thinking about Poe. 

**14\. need**

Finn always used to be an early riser -- not that he had much choice: there were consequences when a Stormtrooper didn’t show up on time for an assigned duty. But Poe’s managed to wash away years of conditioning in a surprisingly short amount of time. 

He can’t stay in bed all day, however. Poe stretches beside him as he pulls on his shirt. “Do you really need to get up?” he asks, and reaches for Finn, trying to pull him back. 

“You’re a bad influence on me,” Finn says, teasing.

“You’d think it would be the other way around, trooper.” 

**15\. over**

They sit next to each other at the briefing. There’s a heated debate about whether they should leave D’Qar. The position’s compromised, has been since the assault on Starkiller, but they don’t exactly have another base location picked out. 

General Organa decides the best thing to do is send reconnaissance teams to scout out locations. Poe volunteers. 

The thing about your boyfriend being the best pilot in the Resistance is that he’s not always around. 

Finn pulls him close for a kiss, in front of everyone, before Poe leaves, to remind Poe what he’s coming back to when it’s over. 

**16\. pieces**

Standard issue cots don’t leave much room for two grown men, and Finn makes a mental note that maybe Poe was onto something when he was always dragging them back to his own, larger, quarters. But Finn is resilient, and he’ll make it work. 

Poe’s gone to pieces, and it only makes Finn work harder, sucking and licking, taking Poe deep in his mouth, and pressing Poe’s hips firmly down with his hands while Poe writhes beneath him, begging. 

After he rides the wave back down, Poe manages to say, “You’re rather pleased with yourself, aren’t you?” 

“Wouldn’t you be?”

**17\. queries**

“Do you think you can teach me to fly?” Finn queries one night over dinner. 

Poe practically beams, at the idea of Finn being a pilot, or at being asked to be his teacher, Finn isn’t sure. “You want to be a pilot?”

Finn shrugs, keeping it light. “I want to keep my options open.”

“Fair enough,” Poe says. 

Finn sits in the cockpit while Poe leans in, pointing out controls. Not to be left out, BB-8 behind them, beeps encouragingly. Finn’s slowly learning binary, too. He’s here for the long haul, after all, might as well make an effort. 

**18\. release**

Poe’s hands feel like they’re everywhere and nowhere at once, and Finn lets out a groan of frustration because it’s not enough, never enough. “Please.” 

Poe smiles against Finn’s neck. “Please what?” He sucks and nips and grazes his teeth against Finn’s skin.

Poe is insufferable. Finn bucks against him. “You know what.” All he wants is release, but Poe keeps bringing him maddeningly close but never over the edge. Finn feels more than hears Poe’s laughter. Poe’s going to pay later, Finn manages to tell him when he can string together a coherent thought.

“Oh, I’m counting on it.” 

**19\. scar**

It is quiet and dark, and it takes a few moments for Finn to register what woke him. Poe’s fingertips trace along the scar on his back, feather-light touches. Careful. Cautious. Tender. Finn can’t see it himself, but he’ll carry a permanent reminder for life. 

Poe senses a change. His fingers pull away from their exploration. “I woke you. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” he whispers back into the darkness. 

Then Poe’s back, nuzzling into the scar with his nose. “We almost lost you.” 

Finn reaches back to grab Poe’s hand. He lets out a ragged breath. “But you didn’t.”

**20\. tastes**

Poe tastes like caf when he kisses Finn awake. “You’re up early.” 

“Yeah, BB-8 barged in here about an hour ago, woke me in a panic, thought his lens was malfunctioning. I’m surprised you slept through it.” 

Finn thinks for a minute, takes everything in. He’s sore in all the right places, and the room is an absolute mess, furniture pushed in odd places, clothes everywhere. Poe’s hair is sticking up in weird ways, and Finn laughs to himself at the thought of him walking into the mess for the caf like that. They had a fun night. “I’m not.” 

**21\. useless**

For the time being, he finds his place in the Resistance with the Intelligence unit. He may have only been a lowly Stormtrooper who only saw combat one time, but it is amazing how much useful information he can provide. 

It’s a big change from how he felt in those first few days after the coma, broken and useless. Poe’s been the thread, stitching him back together, making him whole, making him better, more, just like the jacket. 

He wonders how he can thank him, tries to put it into words, but Poe stops him. “You saved me first, remember?” 

**22\. virtually**

Poe delights in showing Finn new things. Well, not new, exactly. Finn was aware of cocktails and sugary desserts and friendship and board games and fantastic sex, at least in the abstract. But to experience all of them, that’s what’s new. 

There is little Finn can show Poe he hasn’t already seen. Poe is virtually unflappable, and has been around the galaxy a few times.

Finn schemes and plots and revels in those moments when he leaves Poe gasping and off guard, sated, spent and happy. “How did you do that?” might be the most beautiful words he’s ever heard.

**23\. winding**

Poe sits with his legs in Finn’s lap, leans forward and clinks his bottle of beer against Finn’s. “Cheers.” Finn watches Poe’s throat as the other man swallows. 

It’s a lazy, off-duty day for both of them. Poe didn’t even want to get out of bed, but Finn gets restless. He thinks it’s all the time he wasted in med bay. 

The day is winding down now, though, and they are back in bed. Poe notices him watching. “What are you thinking about?”

“That you’re wearing too many clothes.” 

Poe grins. “I ever mention how much I like you?”

**24\. x-wing**

Sometimes Finn still thinks about running away to the far reaches of the galaxy. It would be easier, even though it wouldn’t be right. He sits with Poe under the shadow of his x-wing and asks, “What do you want most in life?” 

Poe exhales deeply. “Heavy question.”

Finn nods. It is. But in this moment, he needs an answer. 

Poe thinks for a long time. “I’m just looking for someone who’s going to be by my side when it all goes to shit.”

A pause.

“I can be that person.”

“Yeah,” Poe says, and pulls him in close. 

**25\. yearning**

Poe’s a pilot, and one of the many many things Finn has learned from being around him is that he’s always pushing boundaries, always yearning for something more. It’s like a whirlwind sometimes, the way Poe pulls him along. Maybe it’s because he’s a pilot, maybe it’s engrained into all of them. Or maybe that’s just uniquely Poe. 

Finn pushes him back. He loves the hungry look in Poe’s eyes in the face of a challenge. When he takes control, makes Poe’s knees nearly buckle, Poe hisses out admiration, “You are so fucking confident.” 

Those victories are the best victories. 

**26\. zillions**

There are billions of stars in the sky. Zillions of planets. Thousands of Stormtroopers. Hundreds of Resistance fighters that could’ve been sent on Poe’s mission and captured by Kylo Ren. 

Finn could've continued with the First Order, oblivious or trapped or zealously enthusiastic or even dead -- there were endless options. But he ended up here, with Poe. Finn watches the rise and fall of Poe’s chest as he sleeps, thinks about what they’ll do when he wakes up.

He doesn’t think about whether it was the Force or fate or something else that brought them together. There’s no use guessing. 

***


End file.
